51 Surefire Ways of Making Your Wedding Photographer Hate His Job

To be fair, for the most part couples are awesome to work with. However, the internet is a funny place, and every online presence attracts some... shall we say .."strange people". While having drinks with a few fellow photographers in Gastown yesterday, we started collecting horror stories, and jotting down our favorite "WTF" questions on napkins, resulting in the list below.

Now, I can see non-photographers read the list and wonder "why is this a WTF question, sounds perfectly reasonable". R E A L L Y.... well, leave a comment and we are happy to explain it to you :-)

  1. Encourage guests to take pictures with their phones and tablets  during the ceremony
  2. Invite uncle Bob to shoot your wedding "as a backup"
  3. Have your mother "manage" your photographers shoot list
  4. Throw a fit when you ask for extra stuff and get asked to pay for it
  5. Compare your photographer's prices to Walmart or Sears - or the guy from Craigslist
  6. Tell your photographers what he or she "should" be charging
  7. Take four days to reply to an email, but complain when your photographer doesn't pick up the phone at 11pm
  8. Critique your photographers website.
  9. Tell your photographer their pictures must be so good because they have a nice camera
  10. Tell your photographer how they should be taking your photo, and how to crop it. Say stuff like "this shot would be so much better if you stood where I am standing"
  11. Say things like "I want natural photos, just make me look like the girl in that <insert high gloss wedding magazine here>"
  12. Get your important shots done at noon, in the summer, at the beach!
  13. Ask yoru photographer why they are so expensive, because all they do is "just pressing a button for a few hours".
  14. Ask your photographer to take off a body flaw in each of the several hundred images from your wedding.
  15. Say stuff like "we would hire you, but my friend has a DSLR, too, and she can shoot it" 
  16. Ask to "just get the unedited pictures, that would be easier"
  17. Say stuff like "Wow, those are great images, you got really lucky!"
  18. "Lets do this thing I saw on Pinterest"
  19. Slap some instagram filter on your photographers work and post it on social media
  20. Ask if your photographer can shoot "crooked photos", because they are so cool
  21. Ask them what camera brand they shoot, then make a surprised or judgemental face.
  22. Ask your photographer to skimp on the makeup artist and just add it in Photoshop
  23. Don't listen to your photographer when planning your wedding timeline
  24. Get your makeup and hair done in the basement, with no window, under a fluorescent light strip
  25. Show the work of other photographers, and say "I want to look exactly like THAT"
  26. Have a July wedding, in humid North Carolina, in an authentically old church, with a long ceremony, and no A/C nor screens on the doors or windows, and demand your photographer to wear a suit and tie
  27. Boss your photographer around like a servant during the wedding
  28. Ask your photographer to mediate with family drama
  29. Call every hour, to tell me about the latest picture you saw on instagram from "that photographer in Alaska"
  30. Post your duck-lips selfie right in the midst of your wedding photographers work
  31. Hand out selfie sticks as wedding favors
  32. Wear glitter - LOTS of glitter
  33. Send your MC away and instead give your photographer a list of names you want photos of. 
  34. Don't feed your photographer. Don't even offer!
  35. Don't tell your photographer about inter-family feuds and politics. 
  36. Run out of that church. Just book it! Don't give your photographer time to take good pictures
  37. Have your bridesmaids/groomsmen hit on the photographer becasue he or she "is available and can't run away". 
  38. Keep re-scheduling your appointments last-minute because "something more important came up"
  39. As a guest, step in front of your camera at a wedding to take a picture of the first kiss (bonus points: with their iphone)
  40. Ask "to make everything black and white except this one color" - or any other effect that was "in" a decade ago
  41. Can we take a picture where I form a heart with my hands (or any other cheesy thing that has been done a million times)
  42. Ask if you can take a "jumping picture"
  43. Say you will "just print the pictures at wall mart"
  44. Ask what the discount is "if you edit the pictures yourself, there is this great program called picnik"
  45. Ask for a discount in exchange for "promotion on your blog"
  46. My sister just had a baby, they will be at the wedding. Can you just snap a few of those cute newborn pictures we have seen on your website? She would really like that
  47. Your camera takes video, right? Can you just film the speeches?
  48. Take screenshots of pictures from your blog or facebook page, slap an instagram filter on it and post it
  49. Ask to take the formals in the basement and photoshop in a nice background
  50. Ask to fill out the questionair you found in a wedding magazine, starting with "do you shoot photo journalistic"
  51. Ask things like "Do I get a discount if you only shoot natural light?"

And one more for the road, because I love it so much: You still use f-stops? My friends sister is a photographer and she says only dinosaurs use f-stops