It used to be that the bride takes the lead of all of the wedding plans, since they usually have a very clear image of what they want their wedding to be – and have had for a very long time! You, as the groom, might want varying levels of involvement depending on the type of groom you are.
Let me tell you a secret: She wants you to help! Yes, really! She wants to know you are involved, and that this event is just as important for you than it is for her.
My suggestion: Talk! (Duh!) Have a chat with your wonderful bride to be. What do you see for your wedding? It could be something small like “I want those mini cream puff things as part of the dessert” or “I want to travel to South America for the honeymoon”. You might both have to make compromises, but make sure your voice is heard!
Don’t know where to start? Now, here are some responsibilities I have collected that are usually for the groom to take care of, with some other nice gestures added in to make her feel good, and you look great!
Come on, you want to look great in her eyes, don’t you?
First order of business: The website theplunge.com (great resource for anything having to do with the groom’s side of the wedding by the way) makes reference to something that is brilliantly true for most grooms.
Understand your fiancee’s fascination with wedding porn.
And no…it’s not what you’re thinking of.
When planning a wedding…brides are bombarded with beautiful-extravagant-do-it-yourself-picture-perfect-oh-my-god-I-want-that-freaking-barnyard-wedding-even-though-none-of-us-have-ever-lived-on-a-farm from Pinterest boards, wedding magazines and websites, cousins wedding albums and TLC reality shows. It is so easy to get sucked into wedding land and feel like she’s never going to come back. Your first job as the groom is to be supportive of your fiancée in the confusing reality check period. No, you could never afford the $30,000 designer wedding dress she saw on Say Yes to the Dress or have time to individually make 500 favors to give out at the reception, but she’s going to think she can. Her breakdown might get ugly and it could happen at any time. Be prepared, and be supportive!
Here’s a handy little checklist. Print it out so you won’t forget!
6-12 MONTHS BEFORE:
- Set a date for the wedding with your partner.
- Present the bride with your side of the guest list according to the parameters you both have set out for yourselves.
- Select your best man, groomsmen, and ushers. (Ushers should be 1 for every 50 people invited to the wedding)
- Make honeymoon plans. Your fiancée is working hard on planning your wedding, and good planning is in the details! Make your honeymoon even more legendary. Plan a special surprise within the time that your gone for you and your bride, singular to the destination you have selected.
- Going out of the country for your honeymoon? Make sure your visas, passports and all legal arrangements are all going to be up to date.
- Figure out how marriage is going to affect your taxes. 🙂
- Have the awkward talk with your parents about the whole…money situation. Depending on you and your fiancee’s status financially and how well off your parents are, it’s definitely a conversation to have sooner rather than later!
3 MONTHS BEFORE:
- Consult with your fiancee about your, your groomsmen, and your ushers attire. Make arrangements as such, bring on the tux!
- Accessorize: Get cool pocket squares, or funky ties, or brightly coloured socks, or snazzy cufflinks. Make your outfit your own!
- Select your wedding bands for the both of you and order them.
- Organize with your bride to have boutonnières for you and your groomsmen. Also, a sweet gesture is to arrange for a bouquet of flowers to be sent to your mothers during the week of the wedding.
- Register for gifts with your fiancee
- Traditionally, the grooms family is in charge of planning the rehearsal dinner. You can say to hell with tradition, but if your parents are making the arrangements, help them out with it.
*Make sure your best man is on top of that bachelor party. For ideas on how to make it kick-ass, check out our suggestions here*
1 month before:
- Practice your first dance. Seriously. Take a class. Learn a few things that will sweep your partner off her feet. Wether you include her in your secret dance classes or if you want to surprise her, learn how to lead!
- Prepare your vows and toast.
- Set a date with your fiancee to get the marriage license.
- Organize a tangible item as a gift for your bride. Give her a present that she can open and have as a personal trinket from your special day. A necklace or a watch is a common one, but feel free to let your creativity run wild!
- Organize gifts for your brothers in arms (aka best man and groomsmen).
- Make some plans for your wedding night bro. Make it mind blowing.
- Idea: Schedule a cleaning service to come to your house during your honeymoon to make it clean for when you and your spouse get back. It’s always relieving to come home to a clean house, especially after the chaos that is a wedding.
1 WEEK BEFORE:
- Get a haircut. Not a couple of days before the wedding, because if by some disaster they totally botch your hair, it’ll have time to grow out before the big day. Better make it 2 weeks before…
- Take some cash out and have it on you. Just in case of emergencies!
- Pack your suitcase for your honeymoon, and print off all of your tickets.
- Put the officiants fee in an envelope and give it to your best man. His responsibility is to give it to the officiant after the ceremony.
- Make plans about the payment of your vendors. Have they been finalized and when will they be paid? Check with the venue, photographer, caterers, and your band or DJ about location, directions and payments.
- Pick up your tuxedo rentals.
DAY OF THE WEDDING
- Make sure your best man has the rings
- Things to have on hand: Deodorant, Floss, Mouthwash, Cigars, Phone Charger, Advil
- Enjoy yourself! Have the best day of your life!
AFTER THE WEDDING
- Make sure you send your thank you notes for the gifts, and for the special people involved in the wedding. Especially the brides parents. Huge brownie points!
- Make sure you have signed the wedding certificate and sent it off to the courthouse before you leave on your honeymoon.